I made a realization today after a brief communication with someone I know. I've known this person for many years, and always have felt communication awkward and uncomfortable. The best way to describe it, is that the person made me feel anxious, tense, pressured, and generally not heard. I'm usually a person who deals pretty well with most people, even intense people, being a generally laid back person, and having a lot of practice as a counselor dealing with all kinds of personalities. This person somehow is that intense at times, when I'm approached that way it leaves me reeling with stress and tension. However, after today's communication, for the first time I got a helpful insight I didn't have before, and that allowed me to put this person's energy into a new light. And thus perhaps I found a new way of managing the effects on me. How did I get this insight?
Well, after the person once again approached me with a lot fast talking, manic energy, for which the reason given was the usual "time pressure" the person is under, I had a vision of being a horse. I thought for a moment how I would feel if I was a horse and being approached by a human with this kind of high intensity in energy. I immediately felt that energy transform in to a lot of pressure. How does a horse handle pressure? It depends. Each horse has a different threshold or ability for handling pressure. And if the horse is given a chance to be desensitized to pressure, the horse has a chance to tolerate even higher pressure a little easier. I realized this person did not give me a chance. This person had an agenda, dropped on me out of the blue, and then put a lot of excess energy towards it. I felt like fleeing or giving a swift kick. It simply was too much.
On the flipside, I believe humans who can adjust their energetic approach towards other humans (and horses) are the ones better equipped and higher evolved. If you can read another person's energy well, and adjust your energy towards theirs when you approach them, it builds much higher trust and more successful communication. I think about my horses, Link and Rollie. I never come towards Rollie with the same amount of exuberant energy that I approach Link with. Why? They are very different in how they deal with human energy. I always adjust my energy with Rollie by toning it down a notch or two. He is very sensitive and to communicate with him I must be sensitive towards his personality and his needs. If I want Link to do something for me, I must at times bring up my energy a notch, as he will question whether I mean it or not.
The other observation I had, was thinking back to my upbringing. I grew up and was raised by two very sensitive parents. Being a sensitive person myself I was conditioned and programmed from early on how to adjust my energy in order not to scare others away, or achieve the opposite effect of not being taken seriously by being overly dramatic. On the other hand, I learned that not all other people are this sensitive, and may in fact respond better to a heightened energetic approach.
Going back to the person whose approach is too energetic and caused me to feel tension, I realize that I need to have a talk with this person to discuss my needs. Knowing this person's parents, I know that that upbringing was the opposite to my parents: they were not hyper sensitive and thus this is what was learned! Just like Link and Rollie's mothers who raised them were very different personalities, which in turn may have something to do with how they are able to cope with pressure as well.
If you want to learn to become better at gauging and adjusting your energy towards others, I highly recommend you work with horses. They will quickly show you how you are received by others, and teach you how to adjust and fine tune it. If you want more insights in your own tolerance levels or thresholds of how much pressure you're able to work with and want to get better at it, again, come and work with the horses. They will show you exactly how to deal with it.
What do we do at Horse Journey? We practice techniques with the horses that relate to your own life! These techniques include:
- feeling/perceiving energy (while not judging or taking it personally)
- recognizing the type of energy and effects (both ways)
- responding by matching their energy (by either toning it down or dialing it up)
- observing the effects of your energy output
- working with the energy output on both sides to a level that works for the relationship (communicating what's going on in a non-accusatory way)
- allowing the giver and receiver to adjust and make changes
- accepting the results, even if not "perfect", as we accept energy is different in all personalities
So there it is, a great strategy without blaming the person nor excusing the person's behavior. It's empowering.
"Time pressure is only an intensity created in my mind. In actuality there is no time pressure. There is only time and time is always the same. The pressure is optional."
~ Karin Bauer
Contact us today to book your session and learn these great techniques! With these techniques your relationships will improve, guaranteed!
Call 250-860-1964 or email Karin@horsejourney.com